Tag: emotions

You are not insane: you are a victim of gaslighting

Image of a man in distress

Many people experience emotional abuse on a daily basis and the saddest part is most of them are not aware. The perpetrators are often people close and trusted by the victims. The most common type of emotional abuse in many relationships is ‘gaslighting’. How well do you understand gaslighting? Do you even know what it is? Well, this is a situation where gaslighter or perpetrator distorts reality and make their victim question their judgement of the situation at hand.

This form of emotional abuse is common in abusive relationships which may include controlling friendships, romantic relationship and even among family members. some of the common words used by the perpetrator include “I’m sorry you think that I hurt you” or “You’re crazy and other people think so, too” among many others.I know by now you are wondering what the pepetrator plans to achieve from using this technique of emotional abuse. well, power over the victim is what they desire.

How does gaslighting work? Some of their tactics consists of discrediting you by spreading rumours about you to others, belittling your thoughts and feelings by insinuating you are over reacting or you are too sensitive, blame shifting making you believe you are the main reason they behaved the way they did, they pretend to care about you while telling others you seem emotionally unstable, lying about what actually happened even if you have proof and they often change subject when confronted eventually making the victim second-guess the importance of what they were trying to talk about.

Being able to spot you are being gaslighted is hard but there are signs that can help you know that what you are going through is not right. If you find yourself doubting your feelings and reality,afraid to express yourself because you are not sure about your judgement of what happened or you are nolonger confident and often apologize over everything you do then you are being gaslighted. Other signs include feeling trapped and isolated, struggling to make decisions on your own and confusion because you don’t know what to believe.

In most cases this form of emotional abuse makes the victim feel powerless and inferior. Other effects consists of loss of self- esteem, uncertainty of ones mental stability, confusion, dependency on the perpetrator and the victim starts to question the validity of their own thoughts.

It is very difficult to overcome this kind of abuse because most of the time the victims are not aware of what is going on. There are ways of dealing with the situation so as to be in control. Making sure you save evidence by keeping journals or saving text messages will reassure you that what you are talking about is true. Setting boundaries such that you make it clear what you accept in the relationship and what you don’t is another way of curbing the situation. Finally, you can just end the toxic relationship to avoid further damage on your mental health. Consult a doctor if you feel overwhelmed since it often takes a tall on ones daily relations and decision making.

Emotional outburst: how to control your emotions

We have all found ourselves in a situation where we can’t control our emotions. It’s perfectly normal to experience overwhelming emotions ranging from extreme happiness to extreme sadness and anger but a problem comes in when one cannot control these emotions leading to imbalance. We have witnessed families hacking there family member with a machete to death because they are not happy, this can be because according to them they got a larger share of land compared to theirs consequently triggering them to be violent.

How you handle rejection or betrayal from a loved one is a trial of how you have mastered the art of controlling your emotions. Choosing to walk away quietly as apposed to being verbally or physically violent shows that you can actually control the flash of overwhelming emotions.

Knowing how to control emotions is very important for our wellbeing. Individuals who have difficulty controlling their emotions tend to create conflicts among friends and family and would often resolve to using substances such as marijuana or alcohol to help them overcome how this emotions make them feel.

It is important to note that feelings are never to be surpressed but regulated. This is because surpressing may affect your overall mental well being.

Steps to overcome overwhelming emotions

1. Take a deep breath

At the first instance you feel your emotions building up, just take a deep breath as this will help you control yourself and take a step back from the overwhelming flash of emotions and extreme reactions at an impulse.

2. Label your emotion

The next time you find yourself in a situation where you find it hard to control, ask yourself ” what am I feeling right now?” Are you sad, frustrated or disappointed. Labelling your emotions is the first step in finding a solution.

3. Look back at what actually happened

Analyzing the situation that led to this state is very important. Instead of rushing and reacting try to re-evaluate what actually happened. For example You ask your husband for a pair of shoe you have been dying to own but they keep saying there is no money. In this scenario you will feel angry and would want to react in a manner that would affect your marriage. Stepping back and actually analyzing the situation will help you understand it better.

4.find out if there is a different explanations of what happened

Sometimes extreme emotions clouds judgement. Striving to find out the actual explanation of what really happened will provide closure and salvage a situation that would have otherwise created conflict. Maybe you are just over reacting because of the thoughts you have created yourself.

5. Understand the reactions triggered by your emotions

You need to ask yourself “what do I want to do about these feelings?”. The reaction can be texting back something rude or physically attacking someone. Knowing what you feel like doing will help you stay on top of the game as you will be able to control yourself from doing something that will create more harm.

6. Know how to cope with your emotions

Always find alternatives to cope with your emotions. Instead of reacting instantly distract yourself by watching a movie or a funny video or just take a walk. You are not surpressing your feelings but giving yourself more time to rethink the whole situation.

Habits you may find helpful in taming your emotions

  • Know when to express yourself. Learn to understand your environment and know when it’s appropriate to express yourself. For example you just can’t explode on your boss because of unfair treatment.
  • Always find space either physical or mental. Learn to walk away from from a triggering situation or person or distract yourself by watching a movie.
  • Keep a mood journal. Make it a habit to write down what you are feeling as this will help you discover patterns that are triggering you.It also helps you get the real picture of what happened by providing a deep reflection on your feelings.
  • Stay on top of stress. Always ensure you are not under stress as this adds to sensitivity to instances that may not deserve major reaction.
  • Talk to a therapist. In a situation where you have tried everything but can’t seem to control yourself visit a therapist so as to know if there is more than meets the eye in your mental health.