“I don’t want you interacting with so and so”

To what extent should family members go when it comes to determining who you should relate with? Is it protection or are they just controlling?

From childhood our parents have always determined who we should befriend depending on how they feel about them. In most cases they do not care about your feelings.

This situation spills over to when one is an adult and starts engaging in romantic relationships. You will agree that most people always hide their partners and keep their relationship secret away from the scrutiny of other family members because they are afraid of their opinion.

However,they will have to face the “family committee” eventually. The most crucial stage of any relationship is when one officially introduces their partner to the family and kinsmen. This has never been a walk in the park. The family will make their judgements on whether the marriage will proceed or go separate ways.

Even if you survive and you are given greenlight to continue, you are not safe. In most African traditions, the son is always given a portion of the family land to settle in and that is where meddling and sometimes sabotage of the marriage begins.

This makes me wonder should family just stick to giving guidance and advice and let one make the decision of who they should interact with?

When one becomes an adult and starts a family, should family retreat from interfering until a situation where there presence and guidance is needed?