Relationships has always been part and parcel of our lives and the most common one is romantic relationships. We are all guilty of wanting to be loved and appreciated but what happens if that love fades away?
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At the beginning of any relationship, the love is top notch you cannot get enough of each other. Distance does not prevent you from talking to each other thanks to the availability of phones. Conversations happen till wee hours of the night and you sleep happy.
The main agenda is how to have a future together, because you feel like finally you have found the perfect match. The topic on the number of children you both desire to have never misses in those conversations. At that stage, love is beautiful, you feel satisfied and thank God for giving you your partner.
Months go by fast and you start to notice some changes. You nolonger talk for long hours, they seem distant and they don’t give you the royal treatment anymore. You decide to ignore because you have come too far to give up but things start getting out of hand. They yell at you on slight provocation.
Everytime they shout at you, they kill your joy. You are nolonger happy like before because you feel bad about the situation. In some instances they are violent and hit you over a small misunderstanding but they apologize later and make you feel that they did not mean it, you provoked them. Slowly by slowly the situation escalates and you are trapped.
They kill you slowly by slowly. They don’t want to let you go but they don’t want to treat you right. Your mental health has deteriorated and you are just a shell of your previous self. Its safe to say that you are a walking corpse. They have managed to squeeze the life out of you.
Worse still, the violence has matured to full blown fight between life and death. They nolonger care if you die. Your body is full of bruises that remind you how you are unwanted. You feel that they enjoy tormenting you and watching you fade away slowly. Sadly, they don’t want to let you go.
It is sad to see people suffer in the hands of people they once trusted with their lives. That one person who made them feel safe. If you are not interested in someone anymore just walk away, don’t kill them physically or mentally. When the spark has faded away, leave them intact when they still have life left in them.
We always feel the desire to be loved by those we love and often don’t get the same energy back. Could it be you are just a plan B or you are too ambitious in your expectations.
People love differently but sometimes it is so obvious you are not that important to them as you would want to be. Even though some people are poor in expressing how they actually feel, that should never be an excuse for inducing anxiety on your partner.
The conflicting emotions you are feeling are indicators you are not satisfied with what you are getting from your partner. Your mind is always wondering why can’t he/she just give me the little attention I need and frequently a thought pops in your mind to just move on but your heart won’t let you leave in peace.
Let me tell you for free, if they love you your soul will know automatically. That girl who always texts you when they are in need, does not care about you. You are just a person they run to when they can’t get what they want from their actual boyfriend’s. For how long will you be a hero saving someone’s lover? They only entertain you when they are not in good terms with their boyfriend. Wake up!
Baby girl you have been made to believe he doesn’t like calls and chatting, You are always the first to text. Trust me he texts his girl every time and calls more often than he can control himself. As for you your message has been ignored since morning because he is too “busy”. I don’t know what other red flag you are waiting for before you realize you are just a back up if not a fling.
I know you are asking yourself how will I know if I fall under the plan B category, well just trust your instincts. If the energy does not feel right, you have your answer. You are never the first to know about their achievements if not their plans. Communication with them will always feel forced and often you are the one speaking while they just respond but will not put effort to mantain the conversation.
Now that you know you are not first choice, what can you do about it? Well, some will choose to stay and fight for the first spot. The question is, do you have the energy to break all the barriers before you? Are you careful enough not to destroy yourself in the process? What if you never get there?
Advice I would give myself is, why waste your time and energy breaking a wall while there is a door? There is someone out there waiting to have you and make you the centre of their universe. Defend yourself.
Sometimes we find ourselves in situations where we can’t tell if he loves you. Being uncertain will always bring about insecurities and we would always strive to find out if they actually feel the same way. The fact that you are thinking about it stems from you loving them already and would like to know if you mean something to him.
This article will focus on words commonly used by men in love. This will serve as a pointer towards knowing if you are ‘the one’ or you are expecting love from someone who does not even have feelings for you.
8 words he would use if he loves you
1. I love you
These are very powerful words in any relationship, whether you are starting off or you have been dating for a while, a man who loves you will always say these words. He might not say it right away probably because he is afraid of scaring you or he is contemplating the right time to say it but either way if he loves you he will eventually say it. It is a major red flag if he never says those words at all. One very important thing to note is, does he personalize the words? For example unapendwa( you are loved) and nakupenda( I love you) are two different things. Personalization of the words will indicate that that is what he actually feels about you and not general words.
2. How are you feeling
This shows that he cares about you and he is interested to know how you are doing. He is curious about what you are thinking and would love to know more about you. Sometimes you note that in the beginning of the relationship he would ask and then he eventually stops, well, you might me the problem. The response you give influences if he will ask again or drop it. For example you reply by saying “am good” Everytime he asks with time he will stop because it’s not yielding the results he anticipated.
3. I am on my way
When a man loves you, he will always feel the urge to come to your rescue. You tell him you are not doing fine or you have a problem he will always find a way to help you out even if it means dropping what he was doing and coming over to help you. In some scenerios maybe he is not able to come over but he will ensure that he gives you a solution or compensate as soon as he can. For example your car broke down and you call him, he will come over to take care of the situation or send someone over if he can’t make it himself.
4. Talk to me
Communication is a very important component in any relationship and him taking time to communicate with you signifies that he enjoys talking to you and would love to bond. If he calls you often it means he enjoys listening to you and it makes him happy just talking to you. You might not have anything important to talk about but those small boring details of your day interest him then he actually loves you.
5. I want to make you happy
Men would naturally strive to see the one they love happy, we have seen some sacrifice the little they have just to make her happy. He would always look for ways to ensure that you are happy because they are happier when she is happy. The effort they put into this is what signifies that they value and love you. For example buying gifts for her or even giving her financial support to ensure that she does not struggle.
6. We, Us
This words signifies that he is including you in his plans and you are a team. A man who truly loves you will always strive to make you parts of his plans and when talking about them he will use the words “we” or “us” rather than “I”. For example “I want us to move to a new house” and not “I want to move to a new house”. Being keen on the words he uses while making his plans will inform you of your position in his life.
7. She is my girlfriend/ wife
If he puts a label on your relationship then you are safe, he loves you. Never ever make assumptions that just because you do things what a boyfriend girlfriend do he is your boyfriend. It is very important to hear him say that and get the words straight from his mouth. There are instances where she makes an assumption that he is her boyfriend without him saying and when it comes to a situation where she tries to hold him accountable, he is like ” who said am your boyfriend?”
8. I need to see you
A man who loves you will always want to spend time with you. He will always strive and yarn to be close to you whether it is over at his house on going out on a nature walk or a date. It is a red flag if he never asks you to visit him or only asks for your presence when it’s convenient for him. He might be busy but trust me someone who loves you will fit you into their schedule. No one is ever too busy to see the one they care about.
It is important to note that he might not use the exact words but something close to that. There are some situations where he may find it hard to express himself probably because of previous experiences but that should never be an excuse. Don’t forget that he is also human and he is not perfect. What are your thoughts?
Have you been eyeing a lady and wondering if she feels the same way about you? Some men find it hard to understand women and end up not spotting signs that they like them back.
This article will give you signs to be on the look out for inorder to know if what you are feeling is mutual. Here are the 10 most common and universal signs that she might be into you.
10 signs she loves you
1. Fidgets/ plays with her hair. This is because she is nervous around you and that is a good sign. Whenever you are around her she doesn’t know what to do and starts playing with her hair, nails or even touching objects close to her.
2. She notices you and smiles. This comes naturally because she likes you. Smiling sheepishly when you talk to her or sit next to her is a sure sign she is feeling your vibe.
3. She initiates touch and physical contact.She will find a reason to touch you and this can be in the form of resting her head in your shoulder when you are seated next to her or Giving you a lingering hug.
4. Highly motivated to look for you and spend time with you. You must agree that asking a girl out is a hard task because they play hard to get often. If she easily agrees to go on that first date without you sweating, then you have already found a way into her heart.
5. Texts first. We can all agree that chances of a girl texting first is very rare but if she initiates conversations with you to the extent she texts first, Congratulations you have been noticed.
6. Showing you her silly side. Girls will always strive to portray a calm sophisticated side of her. If she does silly staff around you like singing loudly to her favourite music not minding how she sounds or dancing around she is comfortable around you and doesn’t mind you seeing the other side of her.
7. She teases you. Teasing is a low-risk way to catalyze the intimacy of a conversation since it allows people to get into personal staff while still keeping things on the lighter side.So, take note if a woman is ribbing you about your football team or tickling you,there is a high chance she likes you.
8.Her friends and family know about you. Many people are shooting their shots at her and therefore she will only tell her friends about you when you are special to her. If her friends already know about you even before meeting them, you are lucky she is obviously considering you for a relationship.
9.She opens up to you. She will tell you every little detail about her life. Being comfortable to confide in you is a clue she is into you and will always encourage you to do the same by asking about your life.
10. Interested in your dating life. If you find her inquiring about your dating life then that is a clue she is into you. She will also ask about your female friends and how often you interact with them.
THE UNSPOKEN 