Tag: romantic relationship

Family vs relationship

“I don’t want you interacting with so and so”

To what extent should family members go when it comes to determining who you should relate with? Is it protection or are they just controlling?

From childhood our parents have always determined who we should befriend depending on how they feel about them. In most cases they do not care about your feelings.

This situation spills over to when one is an adult and starts engaging in romantic relationships. You will agree that most people always hide their partners and keep their relationship secret away from the scrutiny of other family members because they are afraid of their opinion.

However,they will have to face the “family committee” eventually. The most crucial stage of any relationship is when one officially introduces their partner to the family and kinsmen. This has never been a walk in the park. The family will make their judgements on whether the marriage will proceed or go separate ways.

Even if you survive and you are given greenlight to continue, you are not safe. In most African traditions, the son is always given a portion of the family land to settle in and that is where meddling and sometimes sabotage of the marriage begins.

This makes me wonder should family just stick to giving guidance and advice and let one make the decision of who they should interact with?

When one becomes an adult and starts a family, should family retreat from interfering until a situation where there presence and guidance is needed?

Do we really move on?

We are all familiar with the feelings that come with parting ways with someone we wanted to spend a lifetime with. The emotional turmoil experienced can’t be described.We eventually reach a place we can describe as healing but do we really “unlove” them completely?

What if we never forget about them the way we would want to? What if our lives change forever? We can’t deny the fact that they will always influence our future choices in one way or another especially when it comes to subsequent relationships.

We have witnessed people who separated for years getting back together no matter how nasty the break up. This scenerio has me wonder, what is that force that kept them from drifting away for good? Is there something about romantic relationships that we have yet to discover? In some instances people have continued to have secret affairs with their ex partners.

We can’t deny that sometimes we experience jealousy that comes with finding out your ex is doing good with someone else despite the fact that you yourself already moved on. Some may argue that it’s the memories they shared that binds them together but according to my understanding you can have better memories with someone else but still have your Ex in mind. What is that aspect of your previous relationship you can’t let go?

That awkward feeling you experience when you find yourself in the same place with someone you dated is unexplainable. One will be so anxious and uncomfortable the entire time for no reason. Most people prefer to maintain physical distance even if it means relocating to somewhere far as long as they never cross paths.

Whether we like it or not, we will always have a soft spot for someone we once had a romantic relationship with even though sometimes we mask it with hatred depending on what transpired. Fragments of love we once had for them will live in our hearts whether we like it or not.

Abruptly leaving a relationship is a bad idea,heal first

The main reason for leaving a relationship is to be happy and find peace of mind but do you know deciding to end it abruptly may cause more harm? Some end up choosing to go back to lessen the agony that comes with leaving a relationship prematurely.

Dettaching from people we once cared about and loved is one emotional roller coaster that often may lead to depression and severe emotional pain. Saddest thing about the pain that comes from heartbreak is that there is no pain killer that can help numb the pain. I have always wondered why scientists have not come up with a capsule to help relieve the pain, am sure they will make a kill from the sell since many people are suffering in silence .

There are many reasons that may force one to chose leaving a relationship. Little known to many some parents are very toxic and will often find ways to cause pain to their children. Am sure this explains that distant uncle or aunt you have always wondered why they don’t associate with their parents. In other scenerios we have very controlling friends that won’t let you be and will always find ways to frustrate you. Lastly, romantic relationship which is a major cause of emotional suffering especially when you have lots of good memories.

Learning how to handle the situation they put you through is a game changer. Emotional distancing yourself from their actions is a skill that can only save you. Over a period of time what used to upset you nolonger bother you at all. When you find yourself no longer yelling, questioning or getting upset by things that would often trigger you, you are ready to leave. That is where you now apply the physical distance. Walking away at this stage will be much easier because you took time to heal first.

What many do not know is forgiving yourself is easier than expecting an apology that may never come from someone else. We always get into relationships voluntarily and understanding that you somehow contributed to what is happening to you is important. what do I mean? Actions by other people do not affect as much as from those we chose to be close to us. For instance insults from a mere friend will not hurt as that from your partner. Accepting that you contributed to your suffering by chosing them will make it easier to move on.

Overall emotional dettachment may take some time but it is good to be smart about it. You don’t want to find yourself questioning if you made the right decision leaving. There is a saying ” A good dancer knows when to leave the stage.”